Tuesday, Dec. 30, 2003

Warning: Heavy Drug Use.

There, I'm finally finished putting this together. I've been working so hard my neck is burning, it feels as though it could fall off any minute now.

I wonder, should I just pick up where I left off, and write, or should I fill in a little bit for the readers as what to expect. OK, I'll warn you first.

Expect all of the following things:
Heavy drug use.
Sexually explicit content.
Foul Language.
Violence.
And possibly some nudity at times.

Now, I'm not trying to convince anyone that my diary is going to be some big rated X site. But I do get nasty from time to time. So I'm going to start you all off with the "heavy drugs" warning, and go into my problem with Jamie right now...

When I met Jamie he was doing methadone and morphine patches. Big deal right? Wrong. What I didn't realize was that Jamie had quit heroine not long before I came into the picture, and once his "guy" could no longer supply him with methadone, he went back to using bags, because they were easier to find.

For those who didn't understand what I meant in that paragraph: Ever heard of a "Methadone Clinic"? That's a place where heroine addicts go to get methadone. Methadone is easier to get off of, and is used as a substitute for heroin. A "bag" is an amount of heroin, usually (at least here in Maine) selling for $20 to $30 dollars.

Unfortunately, Jamie boots the stuff, which means he puts it in a needle and sticks the needle in his arm. I saw his dealer's arm and I wanted to gag. If he ever gets as bad off as his dealer, I'm leaving him.

In fact, if he hasn't quit by Feb. 3rd (our 4 month anniversary) then I'm leaving him.

It's important to me to have him be clean, because I may be pregnant. I skipped my period for December, and when I took a test it came out negative. However, I still haven't started. So I'm waiting for my January period, and if that one doesn't come than come the beginning of February I'm going to a doctor and having them test to see if I'm pregnant.

If I am, Jamie has two options,
Clean up and help out.
Pick up and move out.

My baby's daddy is not going to be a heroin addict.

"when i stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.
when i stand up for those i love, they call me a bitch.
when i speak my mind, or do things my own way, they call me a bitch.
being a bitch means i won't compromise what's in my heart.
it means i live my life my way.
it means i won't allow anyone to step on me.
try to douse my inner flame. you won't succeed."

my-uhuru at 10:22 A.M.

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